


Need is a Funny Thing

by Ems_Is_The_Name



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Dean, Comfort, First Time, M/M, POV Dean Winchester, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Top Castiel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-05
Updated: 2014-10-01
Packaged: 2018-02-16 04:49:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2256471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ems_Is_The_Name/pseuds/Ems_Is_The_Name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after season 5 episode 14 "My Bloody Valentine". Dean is depressed and gets some much needed comfort from Castiel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Admitting You Need Help is Always Hard

**Author's Note:**

> So the idea for these came after watching the episodes. I figured i may need to explain a little about the episode because you may not know them by name. The first chapter is after they meet famine and he gets sam to drink demon blood again and Castiel is obsessed with ground beef but Dean wants nothing. According to famine its because Dean is dead inside. at the end they have to lock Sam up so he can kick the habit again. So far I have three chapters in mind. They don't really have a story line. Dean and Castiel are just there for each other when they need someone. They may or may not fall in love with each other along the way. These will be from Deans POV. This is my first m/m fic and my first Supernatural one. All mistakes are my own. And of course I do not own Supernatural I just own my idea.

I stand there wet from the rain staring up into the sky waiting for something to happen, even though I know nothing will. I can taste the salt from my tears and I try to wipe them away but they just keep falling.  
"Dammit!" I say to myself as I kick my cars tire.  
I just shake my head and look around. Alone. I've been feeling lonely for sometime now but it only truly sunk in today how alone I really am. Even a fucking angel needed something. But not me I need everything and nothing. I start to pace in the mud trying to think of something I want, need, anything that I truly crave. To sleep with some random chick? No I don't need meaningless sex at the moment. Some type of food? I could always go for some pie. I look at the bottle of whiskey I had placed on the hood and sigh. It's kept me numb this long I think as I take a long swig. I look up at the sky again and and close my eyes just focusing on the feeling of the cold rain hitting my face.  
"Cass was right." I say into the open air, "I don't believe I was worth saving. I know your plans for me but this just proves I'm not good enough." I look down at the ground again and choke back a sob, "I'm never good enough."  
I tug at my short hair and kick my tire a few more times. I sigh and rest my hands on the hood and just hang my head. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I expect it to be Bobby. Although I'm unsure of how he would have wheeled up on me silently.  
"Cass." I say as I turn around and meet his blue eyes.  
"Have you been crying?" He says more like a statement than a question.  
"No of course not." I answer and instinctively wipe my eyes and face.  
"Your eyes are puffy." He says and puts a hand below my eye.  
I'm surprised at how warm he feels compared to the rain but the feeling that surges through me startles me more.  
"Are you alright?" He asks taking his hand away.  
"I'm fine." I say curtly as I stare intently at his hand hanging at his side.  
"You don't look it." I reach up and wipe my face again.  
"It's raining." He says profoundly.  
"So?"  
"So, no matter how many times you wipe your face water will keep appearing on it."  
I can't help but smile.  
"What?" He asks giving me an odd look.  
"Nothing, nothing." I tell him still smiling at the confused look on his face.  
"Would you like to talk about what's wrong?" He asks as his expression turns to concern.  
My smile drops and I swallow hard. I can't speak. He's gaze is boring into me and I don't know if I can lie to him.  
I can feel the tears start to form again and I can't seem to blink them away.  
"You're crying again." Cass says taking a step closer to me.  
"How can you tell it's raining?" I ask with a trembling whisper.  
"I know you better than you think Dean."  
I turn my head away when I feel more tears running down my face. I'm about to say a witty retort when I'm shocked to feel Cass's arms around me.  
"What are you doing?" I ask.  
"Hugging you. Isn't this what you're suppose to do when a human is in pain?" Cass answers in that deep raspy voice of his.  
"Yeah you are but then again you're not human." I reply as I wrap my arms around him.  
"Am I doing it wrong?" He asks.  
"No, no you're doing it perfectly." I answer.  
My breath quickens and I start to feel like I'm having a panic attack. I bury my face in his shoulder and I start to cry again. Only this time I let the tears fall at will.  
"There, there." Cass says as he awkwardly pats my head.  
"I'm sorry." I say against the wet fabric.  
"There is nothing to be sorry about human emotions are complex."  
I pull back a bit and just stare.  
"What?"  
"Nothing it's just..." I let my sentence trail off.  
"Just what?" He asks.  
"This is the first time in a long time I haven't felt alone."  
"You're never alone Sam is pretty much always with you."  
"I know that but it's difficult to explain but I just don't feel a connection I guess. It's like he's there but he might as well not be."  
He just nods slowly like he's giving this a lot of thought. I notice then that our arms are still around each other. But I'm afraid to say anything because I fear I'll feel alone again as soon as he lets go.  
"For your information you Dean Winchester were worth saving." he tells me with a weak smile.  
I return the smile but the tears keep falling.  
"How can you be so sure?" I ask.  
"You are stronger than most humans and I do not mean physically but emotionally. You must remember that I have seen your soul and whether or not you have something to do with saving your beloved planet and the order that has maintained it you are destined for great things."  
I feel one of his arms slide away from me and just when I'm about to object I feel his hand on my cheek and his thumb is brushing tears away.  
"Thanks Cass." I say as I nuzzle my cheek into his hand.  
I lean forward and place a light kiss on his cheek.  
When I pull back away Cass's eyes are wide with curiosity.  
"I'm sorry." I say quickly.  
"No need to apologize I am just unfamiliar with this type of contact. Is this a normal human thing to do?"  
"Yes we do this to people who deserve it. People whom we love."  
"You love me?"  
"Yeah I suppose I do"  
His eyes are wide again but this time it looks like excitement. I see him leaning forward and I turn my head just in time to catch his lips with mine. We stand  
there for a moment lips touching but not moving. I think I should want to pull away but the electricity I feel pulsing from him stops me. I suddenly feel more pressure and Cass pushes up against me. I'm shocked that he is doing this. Advancing on me but who am I to deny an angel of God. I move a hand to behind his head and pull him closer to me. I open my lips slightly and let my tongue slip out to lick his. I'm surprised at how fast he grants me access and I move to dance my tongue with his. It's awkward at first since he doesn't really know what he's doing but he quickly figures it out.  
After a few minutes I need to pull away to breathe. I lean my forehead up against his.  
"Do you kiss people like that often?" He asks just as equally out of breath as I am.  
"With my tongue yes. With that much feeling no."  
His eyes stare into mine and he moves again to kiss me this time lightly and only a few seconds.  
"Cass I'm afraid if we don't stop now I won't be be able to." I tell him.  
"I don't think I want to stop." He says brows furrowing like he's deep in thought.  
"I haven't felt like this in a long time. I don't think I want to stop either."  
"Well then why are we wasting time." He says urgently and leans back towards me.  
"Because if we keep doing this I don't know if I'll be able to stop other things from happening. I'm not sure if I want to stop more from happening." I say as I put a hand on his chest to keep him away from me.  
"More?" he asks.  
"Yes you know more things that guys can do to each other. Kind of what a girl and a guy do together minus the girl and add another guy."  
"Show me."  
"Cass are you sure? Isn't this against the rules?"  
"I have not heard of a rule that forbids this but I am not suppose to deny my host anything it wants."  
"Well then I'll just have to make sure I meet your needs."  
I move my hand from his chest and place it on his hip and pull him close to me. My eyes widen when I feel his erection pressed against mine. He looks down at the contact.  
"I'm sorry I'm not sure what happened." Cass tells me.  
"It's okay it's better than okay actually. It means you're body wants this. It's responding to my touch." I explain.  
"Responding?"  
I just smile at him and move my lips to his neck where I gently kiss, lick, and nip. I feel him stir against me and I trail my lips up to his ear.  
"Can you feel your body respond when I do this?" I say as I blow into his ear and then suck and bite the lobe.  
His moan is my answer.  
"That sound just kind of happened. Is that suppose to happen?" He asks between his short breaths.  
"Yeah, that means you like it."  
I move to kiss right below his ear and that causes another moan to slip out. I smile against his skin. I feel Cass's fingers in my hair and I'm taken back by how roughly he pulls my head up to look at him.  
"You are never alone Dean. Do you hear me? I am here for you." He says before he pushes his lips hard against mine.  
His tongue finds my lips quickly and I happily let him enter. He takes his time and explores. I can't seem to get enough of the taste of his tongue. I'm sure I only taste like whiskey to him. I breath in slightly through my nose and I can smell him. He smells like freshly cut grass after a summer rain.  
I smile against his mouth and move one of my hands to cup his ass. He pulls back and stares at me with surprise before shoving me hard against the car. His lips are on my neck. Biting and sucking. Then on my ear. Blowing and licking. I can't help the moans that escape me and I hear him chuckle with each one.  
"I guess your body is responding to me as well." He says before moving to kiss my Adam's apple.  
"You couldn't tell by this?" I ask as I grab one of his hands and make it rub against the tight bulge in my pants.  
He grabs it lightly and continues massaging my erection.  
"Cass." I manage to moan before he reclaims my lips.  
In one swift move Cass has me sitting on the hood of my car with him standing between my legs. He seems ravenous as his hands move around my body. I put my hands on his shoulders inside that ridiculous trench coat and begin to slide it off.  
"It's raining." he proclaims pulling away from my lips.  
"You're so obsessed with the rain." I answer reattaching myself to him.  
"If you take my jacket off in the rain I will get very wet."  
"Well I plan on making you very wet anyway but okay give me a second."  
I push him away from me while I hop off the car and dig in my jacket pocket for my keys. I unlock the car and hold open the back door for him. He happily slides in with me following. I immediately slide my jacket off and place it in the front seat. When I look back to Cass his is off as well as the suit jacket. I just stare at him for a moment. What am I doing? I'll admit that I've felt drawn to him many times. Hell I've been using almost any excuse to call him to us. But doing this. Taking advantage of an angel. I've never been so low before. I can't believe I'm doing this. Especially to a male angel. I've never been with a guy like this. I've flirted with a few to get something from them but it's never gone past that. I look up and down his body stopping only to look into those blue eyes.  
"What's wrong?" He asks narrowing his eyes.  
"I've never done this before." I tell him.  
I place a hand on his chest and I feel it rise and fall quickly. I swallow hard and move a hand to undo his tie. When it's loose enough I slide it over his head.  
"You know I haven't done this before either." Cass tells me as I throw the tie behind me.  
"I'm pretty sure I could have guessed that." I chuckle.  
I look deeply into a sea of blue and I can't help smiling. He smiles back. I run a hand through his hair and along his cheek stopping only to trace his lips. I move towards him and place a leg bent on the seat on either side of him. Straddling him. I slowly lower my weight on top of him and instantly his arms are around me. Holding me. Gluing me to him.  
I cup his face in both hands and lean forward until our foreheads and noses are touching. I move slowly and lightly place my lips against his. He kisses back gently and moves one hand to my face pulling me closer to him. I remove a hand from his cheek and use it to begin to unbutton his shirt. He takes the hand from my face and does the same. As I feel him undo the last button I slide it off leaving me in a black tank top. I slide his off as well revealing his toned chest. I swallow again and lean forward to kiss his collar bone. I lick along his shoulder and stop to bite occasionally. He puts his head back and moans as he begins to wiggle underneath me  
"Dean..." he says between heavy breaths, "I'm not feel very comfortable."  
I smile and lean in to kiss him deeply.  
"We'll feel better without pants on." I say pulling away slightly.  
In an instant I feel a chill on my legs. I look down we're both in boxers. I always imagined him in tighty whiteys.  
"This feels better." He says.  
"Pants can be restricting when you're hard." He just pulls me back to him.  
Lips instantly against lips. Then trailing along my jaw. Down to my neck where he takes his time to taste my sweaty skin.  
"I understand now why some people are cannibals." Cass says pulling away to look at me.  
He licks his lips and I can't help but laugh. I move quickly and crash my lips into his biting his bottom lip slightly. I move a hand down to his stomach and run a finger just inside his boxers waist band. He moans loudly into me and tries to push up into my hand. I chuckle and slide another finger in. This time sending them deeper almost touching him.  
"Dean please." He begs.  
I smile and remove my hand. I place it against the outline and grab. He gasps suddenly and I move to bite his neck.  
"No clothes" I tell him quietly.  
Suddenly I feel the unrestricted heat from his erection against mine and I grind into it. Cass throws his head back with his mouth open and I can't help but relish the sight. I place a hand behind his head and pull him to me. But he seems to reach my lips first. This time something is different. He seems more hungry for me. He is pulled close against me and shoves his tongue deep into my mouth completely over powering me. He kisses down my chin and neck. He bites harder this time. I know I'll have a few bruises. He moves further down to my chest. Placing kisses all over it. He hesitates for a minute before biting my nipple. I throw my head back and moan loudly. The hand I have on his head grips his hair tightly.  
"How in hell did you know to do that?" I ask between shallow breathes.  
"I guessed." He answers looking up at me.  
I lean down and kiss him lightly.  
"I need you." I whisper.  
"Need me how?"  
I look deep into those blue eyes and seem to get lost. I lean down and kiss him again this time forcefully.  
"I need you Cass. All of you inside me." I tell him.  
His eyes narrow and he looks at me confused for a few moments before they open wide.  
"You want me to... to be inside you?" He asks looking between me and the hard cocks between us.  
"I'm sorry I never should have asked."  
I feel regret rise in my gut and start to consume me. I never should have thought that an angel would participate in an act like this. I begin to pull away from him but his arms go around my waist and keep me still.  
"I never should have pushed you to do this Cass I'm sorry. We can pretend this never happened." I tell him trying to move his hands.  
One of his arms moves to behind my head and forces my head to his where he kisses me hard. Tongue demanding entrance. He pulls away suddenly and stares at me.  
"You did not force into anything. I think I've wanted this for some time. I'm drawn to you. And if you would like me to be your first I would be honored. But I do not know what I'm doing or even where to begin." he tells me in a reassuring voice.  
I just stare at him in disbelief. Did an angel really just admit to lusting after me?  
"We take it slow. Do you understand what I'm asking?" I ask looking into those blue eyes again.  
He responds by kissing me hard. Tongue intertwined with mine. I feel his hands travel to my waist and then farther until he has my ass in both hands massaging it.  
"Hold on." I tell him pulling away.  
I lean down to under the seat and pull out a black bag. I take a bottle of lotion out of it and place the bag back on the floor. I grab one of his hands and pop open the bottle.  
"One at a time. I need to be stretched a bit." I tell him as I squeeze it onto his fingers and lather them well.  
He just kind of nods at me looking uncertain. I lean down and kiss him. His lotioned hand makes it's way back to my ass. I pull away to take a deep breath and I see him swallow hard. I drop the bottle of lotion onto the seat next to us.  
I close my eyes at the feel of his finger circling my entrance. He breathes out and slides the finger in a little bit. I feel him watching me. I don't react to the little bit of penetration so he slides it the rest if the way in and leaves it still for a moment before moving it in and out. I moan as he picks up speed. I feel his body relax some. And he starts to move it around hooking the top of it. He pulls his finger out of me and begins to enter me with two. My back goes straight and I suck in some air. Cass automatically removes his fingers.  
"No, no don't stop." I tell him.  
"You want me to hurt you?" He asks with a concerned look on his face.  
"The pain will fade once it does it will feel better." He swallows again and slowly moves his fingers to back inside me.  
I close my eyes again and try to focus on my breathing as his fingers go deeper. When they're in fully he leaves them still for a long time while he kisses my neck, shoulders and chest.  
Finally he moves them slowly in and out. Then scissoring them. As he starts to move them in and out faster I moan loudly and I feel him smile against my skin. He begins to fuck me with them moving fast and hard. Burying them deep inside me. He slips in a third finger and my head goes to his shoulder where I bite. He moves his hand slowly and precisely. He builds momentum as he twists and opens them. I move a hand down to between us and grab a hold of his hard cock. He moans as I begin to pump him. I match his fingers movements with my own and we are both moaning almost uncontrollably.  
"I'm ready." I breath into his ear.  
"Are you sure?" I just nod and grab the bottle of lotion.  
I squeeze it into my hand and and then drop the bottle back onto the seat. I grab his erection and give it a few pumps to get it completely covered. I lift myself and move his cock into position underneath me. When I feel it against my entrance I slowly move down. My eyes squeeze shut as I lower myself more.  
I breath in and out and lower myself the rest of the way.  
"Dean it's so tight are you sure this is okay." Cass asks quietly.  
All I can do is nod. I begin to rock slowly back and forth. One of his hands finds my waist while the other goes behind my head and pulls it to his. Our tongues intertwine and I slowly begin to slide him out of me. As I slide back down a moan escapes me. Blue eyes stare into mine and before long lips are my neck again biting and sucking. I slide more of him out of me and I move back down quicker this time. I start to set up a rhythm up, down, sideways, back and forth. Before I know it both of us are moaning pretty loudly and I'm slamming his dick into me hard.  
Cass places a hand on my chest and pushes me to lean back a bit so he can bite my nipple. As I impale myself with his penis again the new position causes it to hit my prostate and sends a wave of ecstasy through me. I feel my ass clench around him and we both moan. The sound that comes from Cass's throat could have made me come right then. I move and kiss him hard. I pick up the pace and bounce up and down harder. One of his hands moves to my ass and the other slides down to my cock. My hands go to his shoulders and nails dig into his flesh.  
"Cass." I moan as his hand pumping my erection matches my thrusts.  
My head goes against his shoulder again. And I lean against him as I feel the pressure rise within me. I bite his ear and breath into it slowly.  
"Dean I feel..." He Cass trails off as I continue to bite and blow.  
"It's okay just let go. I'm almost there too." He releases my erection and moves to fondling my balls pulling them slightly.  
As I moan into his ear I feel his cock begin to pulse inside me. I lean in and kiss him deep as I feel his hand return to my shaft and grip me tight. I moan into him as he pumps me hard. I feel the warm liquid shoot out of it covering both of our stomachs. He moans back into me as my ass clenches around him and he shudders with loud moans as his first orgasm comes over him.  
"Damn Cass."I breath as I feel his cock soften within me.  
"Dean that was enlightening."  
"Enlightening?" I ask moving to get his flaccid penis out of me and then settling back onto his lap.  
"Yes to understand how a sexual interaction can connect people. It was wonderful."  
I just smile at him. I had forgotten for a moment who he was and that he had never done this before. I kiss him again this time not looking for anything but the connection we had just built. He moves a hand and strokes my face.  
"I don't think we should tell anyone." he says quietly.  
I just sit there on his lap feeling crushed. I probably wouldn't have told anyone but the fact that he doesn't want anyone to know was shocking. To know that he didn't want anyone to know he had sex with me hurt. Maybe I had imagined the connection to try and fill a void.  
"You can tell Sam if you want." Cass says suddenly like he is reading my mind.  
"No I won't tell anyone." I whisper.  
"You can tell people it's just..."  
"Just what?"  
"I'm already extremely impartial when it comes to you and that was before this. "  
"I understand"  
"Thank you."  
"For understanding?"  
"No for this. For what just happened. For letting me in."  
I just chuckle a little quietly at the innuendo. He just smiles at me.  
"I did not mean it like that."  
I just lean in and kiss him lightly.  
"Can your angel mojo clean and dress us?" I ask.  
He barely blinks and we're clothed. I lifted my shirt and found no evidence of my come on us and I can't feel his inside. I place a hand on his cheek and I use my thumb to trace his lips before I move to kiss them lightly again.  
"Thank you." I whisper in his ear.  
"For what?"  
"For making me feel alive again."


	2. The Need to Not Feel Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean once again needs Cass's help to remind him that he's not alone but they are severely on the outs with each other. Does that matter?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comes after the episode Let it Bleed season 6 episode 21. Crowley (without Cass's knowledge) kidnaps Ben and Lisa to make sure our Winchester boys don't mess with his plans. Of course all hell breaks loose. Lisa ends up almost dead but Cass heals her. Dean then asks Cass to alter their memories so that they don't remember him in order to keep them safe.

Sam and I drive for awhile in silence. No radio no talking. I just try and concentrate on the road in front of me. Otherwise my mind goes to a place that makes me feel like driving the car into a tree.

"Dean." Sam says suddenly breaking the silence.

"I don't wanna hear it Sammy."

"Hear what? That I think what you did was wrong."

"Yes because you don't understand."

"I understand that you just had an angel change two innocent people's memories."

"Exactly innocent. I made a promise to you that I would try to live a normal life. I did just that and look what happened. They're better off."

"Says who? You? "

"What was I suppose to do ask their permission?"

"Yes Dean because it was their memories. Their lives which you just altered."

"That's enough Sam."

"From what I know you were the only decent father figure in Ben's life. Who knows how he'll be now."

"Stop it."

"And what about Lisa you don't know what her never meeting you will do. You don't know how you effected their lives."

"Knock it off I mean it."

I take a few deep breaths and look down at my dashboard 90mph. I hadn't realize I was going that fast so I let my foot off the gas to slow down a bit.

"I'm serious Dean. You don't know what problems this could cause them." Sam says in his typical worried stern voice.

"Cass said."

"Oh and Cass is so trustworthy."

"Cass wouldn't lie not about this."

"You also thought Cass wouldn't lie about working with a demon."

"What if it was Jessica?"

"What?"

"What if you were in my shoes and it was Jess? Are you telling me you wouldn't do whatever it took to keep her safe."

"Of course I would but that's not the..."

"That's exactly the point. I did what I had to do to keep them safe. Now drop it Sam."

"Fine." Sam says with a huff.

I knew bringing up Jessica would shut him up. I'm thankful for that. It wasn't an easy decision to wipe their memories but it was necessary. There is no turning back now. Not that I would. But any chance at having a normal life with them is gone.

We had heard our wholes lives that we can't have attachments but I only now fully understand why. Besides Bobby and Sam, Cass is the only person I really care about. It kills me to be on the outs with him.

I know what he's doing is wrong and dangerous but something is telling me to trust him. I just can't seem to tell him that though. Maybe I'm too busy being worried that this will all blow up in our faces and I'll lose him.

I take another deep breath and try to focus on the road but I can't. I keep replaying Lucifer killing him in my head, even though he was back soon after. That was the first time I was truly aware I had feelings or whatever for him.

How many nights had I dreamed about him. Dreamed of his moans, his lips against mine and the feeling of him inside me. No matter how far apart his visits were I thought of him. Of us. Even during my year with Lisa I wanted to see him. To touch him. We were only together once but that was enough. No it wasn't enough I wanted him in my arms again.

I think about how alone I was feeling that night. Separated from everyone yet they were right there. I felt incomplete like something was missing. He managed to make me feel whole again with just a few touches. But I'm there again. Feeling empty. Feeling alone.

"You okay Dean?" I hear Sam ask.

"Yeah just tired." I answer bringing myself from my thoughts.

"Well next motel we pass we'll crash."

I just nod and go back to focusing on the road. I start counting the yellow dashes that seem to lead the way.

We finally pull into a motel at about two in the morning. I tell Sam I'll get the room. So I leave him at the car.

"You're in room 15 over there and I'm in room 33 up there." I tell him tossing him his key as I walk back towards the car.

"Dude separate rooms?"

"Yeah I just umm... I want to be alone." I answer him as I grab my bag out of the back seat.

"Okay." Sam says looking concerned but he just turns and begins to head for his room.

I lock my car and head up the stairs. It's not often that Sam and I don't share a room but I just can't. Not tonight. I unlock the door and walk into the dark room. I contemplate not turning the light on but I decide against it. I flick up the switch and throw my bag and jacket onto one of the beds.

I sigh and walk to the other one. I lay down and put an arm over my eyes. I picture Cass in that stupid trench coat looking at me with those puppy dog eyes.

"Cass I need you." I barely whisper.

I continue to lay there just staring at the darkness behind my eyes. I can't see him but I can feel his presence. My stomach becomes uneasy as I feel his weight on the bed. He lays down next to me without saying a word.

I take my arm away from my face and slowly turn to look him. His blue eyes look sad. I move closer to him and rest my head on his chest. His arms come around me as mine go around him. I feel his face in my hair and he plants a kiss.

"I'm here Dean." Cass whispers.

I just let out deep sigh and a few tears escape my eyes.

"It's okay." He whispers.

"Did I do the right thing?"

"That's not for me to say but I do believe that it was the best thing you could have done."

"What if their lives are worse without me."

"I can not imagine my life if I had not met you but I do know that they are no worse off than before. They will be alright."

"Thank you Cass."

"I'm here for you Dean no matter what."

I just scoot closer to him and focus on his heart. It's beating fast but so is mine. I don't know how long we lay like this. Cass running his finger through my hair. Me listening to his heart beat.

I finally look up at him and he smiles and I can't help but smile back. I move up the bed and put my head next to his on the pillow his hand never leaving my hair.

"Hi." I say quietly.

"Isn't that what you're suppose to say when you first see someone?"

"Shut up." I answer jokingly.

I move my face a few inches from his. He closes the gap quickly pressing his mouth against mine. I open my lips and his tongue is instantly inside. Our tongues dance together as I feel my pants grow tighter. After several minutes we pull apart to breathe.

"Hi." He says out of breath.

I just chuckle and kiss him again. I put a hand behind his head and pull him closer to me as our tongues become intertwined. I wrap my other arm around him and pull him on top of me.

My heart skips when I feel his erection against mine.

"I've missed you." He tells me when we pull apart.

"I know."

He sits up straddling me. I lean up and push the coat off his shoulders and throw it onto the floor. I lay back down and pull on his tie so he moves back down as well. His lips go to my neck where he decides to kiss and bite gently. I'm shocked when I feel him move his hips. Grinding his erection into mine.

"Cass." I gasp.

"I'm assuming you missed me as well." He states against my skin.

I don't answer him. I grab a hand full of his hair and pull his head to mine so I can claim his lips. I suck and bite on them.

Cass pulls away and sits up again but continues his pelvis movements against mine and they only make me harder. He begins to slowly unbutton his shirt and I realize I'm biting my lip in anticipation.

He leans down close to my ear while still unbuttoning and whispers, "I'll take that as a yes."

He finally gets to the top button and undoes his tie before discarding them on the floor with his jacket. I reach for his undershirt and pull it off. I throw it next to the bed and his hands are already on my stomach lifting my shirt then throwing it to join his.

I let my eyes roam across his chest and I can feel him do the same. I notice after a minute that his gaze is lingering on my bicep. I look at it and realize immediately what has his attention. I still have a red mark from when he grabbed me to pull me out of hell.

Cass cautiously moves one of his hands and lays it perfectly on top of the scar. I'm not sure if its because of him sitting on top of me half naked or him touching me there but I feel extremely warm inside its almost a tingling sensation.

He leans down when he moves his hand and kisses all over the mark. He makes his way up my shoulder back to my neck and then to my ear where he bites and blows.

I just close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of having him with me again. I'm almost afraid to open them because I think he'll be gone and this just another dream. When I finally get the courage too he is still there working his way around my neck and then down to my chest. I moan loudly as he takes a nipple into his mouth and bites it gently.

I push him back away from me and he sits up looking at me with a confused face. I sit up against him and wrap my arms around his waist. I kiss him hard before moving to lick his neck. He tastes amazing and I can't think of how I would describe it. I move down his chest placing kisses until I reach one of his nipples and suck it for a minute before biting. He gasps loudly and I feel him throw his head back. I kiss my way over to the other and move my hand to the one I just left as I kiss and bite him. His head goes down to the top of mine and I feel him moan into it.

I move quickly and shove him next to me on the bed onto his back and I climb on top of him. I smile down at him and run my hands over his chest. I move one hand down and begin to undo his belt.

"There is a faster way of doing this. Cass states.

"Well then get on with it."

Cass just smiles underneath me and moves a hand to my outer thigh. By the time it reaches me his hand meets bare flesh and my erection is against his. I look down and just take in his naked body beneath me.

Apparently I take too long because I feel Cass lean up and pull my head down to his. My lips crash against his and his tongue eagerly joins mine. I start to move my hips and grind into him. He moves his hands to the small of my back and then down to grab my ass. I smile against his mouth and he does the same.

I pull away and just stare at him. Those beautiful blue eyes staring up at me with curiosity. That quirky smile. That hair that always seems to be messed up. I run a finger over his lips and he kisses it gently. I move it and stroke his cheek before I lean down and kiss it. I move to the other cheek but from there I move down to his neck. All over his chest. I stop at one nipple to bite it gently before going to the other. He moans loudly and I continue my journey down his body. I kiss to his naval and lick it sending a shiver through him. I move down further and his cock is in my face. I kiss right above the shaft and then place kisses up to the tip. I take the head into my mouth and his hips buck up. I release it and lick up and down the under side of it.

His loud moans tell me I'm doing this correctly. I've never given a blow job before but I've gotten more than my fair share.

I go back to the tip and take as much of him in my mouth as I can. Cass bucks his hips underneath me sending him deeper and causing me to gag.

I slide him out of my mouth before swallowing again. A long moan leaves Cass's lips and I smile around him before setting up an up and down rhythm. I let my teeth graze his skin and he moans my name loudly.

I release him and move down to lick his balls.

"Dean!" Cass screams as I suck one into my mouth.

I release it and move to suck on the other. I pull away and look up at him. His eyes are closed and his chest is rising and falling quickly. His hands gripping the blanket tightly. I move my lips back to his cock and start sucking him off again.

He moves one of his hands to my hair and grips it tightly. He pushes me down a little further and I gag on it again but I let him control me. I move in a rhythm but I add teeth or my tongue to each bob.

I start to feel him pulse in my mouth and I instantly pull away.

"Not yet." I tell as I start to move up the bed.

He still has me by the hair and when I get far enough up he pulls my head down to his. He kisses me passionately and takes his time discovering the taste of himself on me. I roll off of him and put my back next to him on the pillow. We meet in the middle with our lips. Our tongues instantly meeting.

We just kiss for awhile. Each exploring the others mouth. I forgot how fun it was just to kiss someone. His lips are soft against mine.

"Are we foolish for doing this?" Cass asks pulling away.

"How do you mean?"

"You have a habit of dying and it looks like I'm falling into that habit as well. We've both had other partners. Who we have hurt or have gotten hurt because of us, yet here we are."

"You've had sex with someone else?"

"Sex no but I did share a more than lovely kiss with Meg."

I just shake my head and kiss him again.

"I'm pretty sure we're both screwed whether or not we have sex." I explain to him.

"You haven't told anyone about us have you?"

"No, why?"

"Well everyone always seems to be making references about us in one way or another."

"People are more perceptive than you give them credit for. They know that... How did you put it once? 'We share a more profound bond'."

Cass just chuckles.

"I have tried to be impartial when it comes to you." He says running a hand down my cheek.

"How's that working out for you?"

He looks down at our bodies pressed together and says, "Not good."

Now it's my turn to laugh and I kiss him lightly.

"Am I going to make love to you?" He asks quietly. 

"Would you like to?"

"Yes." He says blushing, "I liked feeling that connected to you."

"Are you blushing?"

"No!" He states sternly and buries his face in the pillow.

I lean over and bite his ear. I hear him moan into the pillow and he moves his head to join our lips. I kiss him fiercely and force my tongue into his mouth.

"Hold on." I tell him as I pull away and get off the bed.

He groans at my absence but I only go to the next bed and start riffling through my bag. I finally find a tube of lube and carry it back with me as I join Cass on the bed. His lips are instantly against mine again and he grabs the tube from my hand.

I hear the pop of the top as his mouth ghosts to my neck. My eyes closes as I feel him bite me hard. I'll definitely have a bruise. I feel his hand by my erection but it passes it and I feel a finger start to message my tight muscle.

He slowly slides it in and I groan at the intrusion.

"Am I hurting you?" Cass asks in a whisper.

"No. Keep. Going." I breath as I try to push down into his finger.

Cass just leans back up and kisses me again as he begins to slowly slide his finger in and out of me. I moan loudly as he slides in another finger. He leaves his hand still for a moment as our tongues wrestle together fighting to be in the others mouth.

He finally begins to move his fingers slowly but then fast and hard twisting and scissoring into me. I gasp and arch my back as his fingers hit my prostate. I feel him smile against my mouth and he does it again. When he pulls his fingers away he slips in another.

I hiss at the pain and bite his lip looking for a distraction. Cass moans into my mouth and begins sliding his three fingers in and out faster and faster. He slows down and pulls away from me.

"Turn over and get on your knees." Cass orders.

"Bossy. I like it." I answer as I move to rest on my hands and knees.

I feel him behind me and hear the pop of the lube container again.

I hang my head and try to take deep breathes. I feel one of his hands running down my back. He stops at my hip as I feel him align himself with me. Cass let's out a huff and in one swift move he is in me completely.

I throw my head back in surprise and groan at the pain.

He slowly begins to rock his hips backwards and forwards against me. The pain is quickly replaced with pleasure as he pulls further out of me and slides back inside.

He sets up a fast and hard rhythm and I can hear our bodies slapping together. I begin to thrust my hips backwards as he thrusts forwards trying to get him as deep in me as I can.

The feeling of Cass inside me warms me. I never thought in a million years I would be doing this. I hear Cass moan deeply as he rams into me over and over again.

Cass's finger nails are digging into hip. His other hand slides up my back and tangles in my hair. He grips it tightly and pulls my head back. His thrusts become even harder. I try to keep my breathing steady but I can't seem to catch my breath. I know I won't last much longer and I can't see him lasting either.

He adjusts just slightly and slams right into my sweet spot.

"Cass!" I practically scream out as I clench around him.

He moans loudly and moves the hand from my hair to my empty hip. He uses some strength and pulls my body up against his. I can feel his heart beating quickly against my back. Every where our bodies touch I feel on fire. It's a like a burning only he can soothe. An itch only he can scratch.

I lay my head back against his shoulder and he starts to kiss my neck.

"Dean." Cass moans into my ear.

My dick twitches at him moaning my name and I know I'm close. I move my head towards his and crash against his already swollen lips. We moan into each others mouths as he pulls almost out of me before slamming back in.

One of his hands moves up my chest and begins to pull my hard nipple.

"Cass." I moan almost begging.

He smiles into me and his other hand makes it around to my erection. He grips it hard and tugs causing me to moan his name again. I rock hard back against his body as his hand pumps me in time with his thrusts.

"Cass." I moan again this time even louder as he hits my prostate again and again.

"I will never tire of hearing you moan my name while I'm inside you." He says softly against my skin.

That's all it takes and I'm suddenly shooting out all over his hand and my stomach. My ass clenches around him several times before I feel him groan and thrust into me for the last time. Another warm feeling is spreading inside me and I know he reached his climax as well.

When I feel him stop pulsing in me I fall onto the bed. Cass is still on top of me. I roll us both over so we are facing each other. I move a leg between his and an arm to around his waist to pull him close. I kiss him deeply before pulling away to look deep into those hypnotizing blue eyes.

"I know that this changes nothing Dean." Cass states suddenly.

I just sigh and kiss him quickly.

"I wish I could trust you but I think I'm just so afraid of losing you."

We don't say anything after that. We lay there and stare at each other. Occasionally one of will lean in and kiss the other. I finally feel myself drift off to sleep in his arms. I close my eyes for what feel like a minute but when I open them I'm alone. No sign of Cass or his clothes.

I sink lower into the bed. I'm alone again. No I'm not I remind myself.

"Thank you." I say to the ceiling before I close my eyes again picturing him, "Cass thank you for reminding me that I'm never alone."


	3. I Need to Prove You're Really Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The memory of how Cass was left in purgatory has been torturing Dean for months but now Cass is back and the record set straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After A Little Slice of Kevin season 8 episode 7 Cass is magically back from purgatory and they set off to free Kevin from the hands of Crowley. Which of course they succeed at.

We drive for a few hours to make sure we are far away from where Crowley was keeping Kevin. I look over at Sam in the passenger seat. He’s slummed against the door sleeping. I look in the rearview mirror and see Cass’s blue eyes staring back at me.  
“Can I help you.” he asks.  
“Just making sure Mrs. Tran is still following us.  
“I’m sure she would not put her son in anymore danger tonight.”  
I just nod and go back to focusing on the road. The next motel I pass I pull into the driveway and park my car. Mrs. Tran pulls in next to me.  
“This is where we’re staying tonight?” she asks making a disgusted face at the run down motel.  
“I’m sorry would you like me to find you a Marriot?”  
She just gives me a dirty look but I go to the office and book three rooms. When I get back to the cars everyone is standing outside.  
“Alright Sam is in room 16. Kevin and Mrs. Tran are in room 17 and I’m in room 18. Cass you can stay with me if you’d like. If anything happens just scream.” I say tossing their room keys to them.  
We all nod and say our goodnights before grabbing our bags and heading to our rooms. Cass follows me into the room. I drop my stuff onto a bed and keep my back to him. I take a deep breath before turning around. He is just staring at me.  
Before I realize what I’m doing I’m right in front of him. I breath in that wet grass smell. I smile wide and just sort of chuckle. Cass cocks his head and looks at me funny. I just keep laughing. I bend over and put my hands on my knees. I’m still laughing when I force myself to straighten back up.  
“Are you having some kind of episode?” Cass asks.  
I stop laughing suddenly and I grab him by the shoulders to pull him to me. He crashes against me almost knocking me over. Our arms are around each as our chests meet.  
“You’re really here.” I whisper.  
“I’m here Dean.”  
I pull back and look at him. The same blue eyes that have always been watching me. The same stupid trench coat. The same messy hair. I place a hand on his cheek and use my thumb to stroke him. I lean my forehead against his and close my eyes.  
I take a deep breath before speaking, “Dammit Cass… I thought… I thought I lost you again.”  
“I told you this was foolish.”  
“Look lets get one thing straight.” I say backing away from him and staring intensely, “I don’t know what we are but putting all that crap aside you mean a lot to me. We’re family. You have no idea the… the pain, the guilt. This whole us dying thing is getting old pretty quick.”  
Cass closes the gap between us quickly. He pulls me close to him again.  
“Dean.” He says against my ear sending shivers down my spine.  
“Cass I’m so glad you’re okay.”  
“I’m sorry for causing you so much trouble.”  
I just shrug, “You’re worth it.”  
He kisses my cheek gently and leans his head against my shoulder. I pull him tighter against me and just breath him in. I feel such a sense of relief having him here next to me again.  
I’m not sure how long we stand together just hugging. I’m suddenly pulled from my thoughts by the feeling of him kissing my neck. I moan as he makes his way to my collarbone where he gently nips. I let out a small moan as one of his hands makes its way down my back and then around to my crotch. He applies pressure and begins to massage me though my jeans.  
His lips find mine and a waves of relief hit me. This is happening. He’s really here. In front of me. Kissing me.  
“Yes Dean I’m really here.” Cass says pulling away before going back to kissing and biting my neck.  
“No fair.” I moan as his he breathes over the spot he was just tonguing.  
“Don’t think so loudly then.”  
His hand leaves my crotch and begins to undo my belt and then my pants.  
“Isn’t there a faster way to do this?” I ask jokingly.  
In a blink I feel the cool air surround my naked body. Cass pulls me flush against him. The warmth from his body radiates into me. I close my eyes as I feel his hand trail up and down my spine. He kisses over my shoulder and then back to my neck. I bite my lip and try to contain the urge to scream out when his grabs my erection. I moan deep in my throat and Cass pulls away to stare at me with a wicked smirk.  
“What’s that Dean?” he teases gripping me tightly and pumping a few times.  
“Kevin. Linda. Next. Room.” I barely get out as he kisses his way down my chest, “Cass I need you to…”  
“Patience is a virtue.” he says bringing his head back up to mine and claiming my lips.  
He walks me backwards until the back of my legs hit the bed. He pushes me down and I prop myself up on my elbows to stare at him. He looks my body up and down and licks his lips. I’d never seem him look like this before but damn if I didn’t love it.  
He turns his back to me and I hear him open my bag. I’m about to ask what he’s doing when he turns back around with a bottle of lube in his hand. I can’t help but grin as he crawls over me. He has one leg between mine and the other next to my thigh. He kisses me roughly and forces me to lay down. He kisses down my throat and over my chest. He teases one nipple with his thumb while he bites and sucks the other. He kisses his way over to the other has he switches movements on them. He then continues working his way down my body only stopping to lick my navel. He’s suddenly kneeling on the floor between my legs and I wish I could see him.  
In one swift move he takes me in his mouth. I groan and grip the blanket tightly. I feel him smile around me as he works me in and out of his mouth. My hips shoot up when he lets his teeth graze over the sensitive skin. I move one of my hands to his hair. I don’t force it to move I just grip his hair. I prop myself up so I can watch him. One of his hands begins to stroke me as he moves down to lick and suck on my balls.  
“Damn Cass.” I moan running my fingers through his hair.  
He looks up at me with those blue eyes that I can’t seem to get enough of. He goes back to lick my erection up and down. My arms shake beneath me and I have to lay down again. Cass moves his hands to my hips and slides me further onto the bed. Then he slides them down to my knees. He pushes them up so my legs are bent with my feet resting at the edge of the bed.  
He moves his mouth to the side of my cock to suck and nip it. I moan loudly and I can hear him laugh slightly. As he slides me back into his mouth I feel a lubed finger pressed against my puckered hole. My hips buck up when I feel it slide fully inside. He leaves it still as he continues to work me over with his mouth. He slides it out and begins to set up a pace to match his mouth.  
“Cass if you keep…” I try to say between gasps and moans.  
“Mhmm?” he says around me.  
“You have to stop I can’t… I’m gonna.” I attempt to get out again.  
He pulls off my cock with a pop and slides up my body between my legs. When his head is right above me he slips in another finger. My hips buck up again causing our erections to rub against each other. He moans before leaning down to kiss me. He scissors his fingers wide and deep. They are working me open quickly. He adds a third and I feel myself flinch against him. His hand stops moving and his mouth is still feverish against mine.  
He slowly starts to slide his three fingers in and out of me. He twists and opens them as his mouth works it’s way to my ear.  
“Are you ready?” he breathes into me slowly.  
All I can do is nod. His fingers leaving makes me feel empty. Cass pulls away and slides back down my body. I hear the familiar pop of the lube and start to try to breath deeply. Cass places a hand on my chest and rubs it as he aligns himself with my prepared hole. I watch him as he takes a deep breath and pushes inside.  
My eyes shut at the penetration. He slowly inches his way in until he’s buried inside me to the hilt. He leans down and kisses me fiercely. In one swift move he’s pulls out and then pushes right back in. I buck my hips up and my erection presses hard against him. He stifles my moans with his mouth. He picks up he’s speed and his force slides me up the bed more.  
“Cass.” I moan loudly as he slams into me.  
“Quiet.” he orders.  
I bite my lip and he grabs my ass and lifts. The angle change causes him to hit that sweet spot that makes me shudder and clench my ass around him.  
“Dean.” Cass moans as he continues to hit that spot with each forceful thrust.  
I move my hands and grip his shoulders tightly digging my nails into flesh. Cass suddenly gets a wicked smile on his face and pulls out of me completely. I whimper at the loss of contact.  
“I want you to ask for it.” Cass says in that growlish voice.  
“What?”  
Cass leans over and trails kisses up to my neck and around my jaw line till he reaches my ear.  
“Tell me what you want Dean.” Cass whispers in my ear blowing at the end and nipping at my ear lobe.  
“When did you learn to play hard to get?” I ask as I wrap my arms around his waist and force him down on top of me.  
“We can play all night if you want or you can tell me what you need.”  
“I need to feel you inside me.”  
He just smiles again and moves off of me.  
“Lay down.” I bark at him.  
He doesn’t say anything but he lays down obediently. He puts his hands behind his head and looks at me curiously. I move and straddle him letting our erections rub together. We both moan at the contact. I lean down and kiss him hard forcing my tongue into his mouth. He moves his hands to grip my face but I quickly grab them and force them to either side of his head. I pull away and look into his eyes. He leans up and reclaims my lips.  
I move one of my hands from his wrist so I can position him below me. Instead he uses the strength I know he has to push me over onto my back. Now he’s straddling me grinding his erection against mine. I just growl at him and he leans down to kiss me. He bites my lower lip and moves to my shoulder where he bites and sucks hard.  
“Who taught you how to give a hickey?” I barely ask.  
“I noticed after our previous encounters that when I do this I leave marks.”  
“So you’re marking me?”  
“I guess you could see it that way.”  
He just smirks at me as he manages to get between my legs. He bends them again and positions himself against me. This time in one swift move he’s inside and then out. Thrusting into me mercilessly while I grip the bed and bite back moans. He grabs my wrists as I had done to him and pins them above my head with one hand. He seems to be enjoying me writhing on the bed beneath me because he’s just staring at me licking his lips as he pounds into me. I wrap my legs around his waist and cause him to hit my prostate.  
He moans as I tighten around him. He grabs my hips with both hands freeing mine and picks up even move speed slamming into that same spot over and over again.  
I manage to get up onto my elbows trying to get closer to him. He reaches around me and pulls me up against his chest. Our lips meet instantly and I moan into them. I suck his tongue as it enters my mouth. He lays me back down with him on top of me and with my legs still around my waist. His thrusts lose some speed but the force is still there. He moves his mouth to my neck where he sucks and bites gently.  
“You’re gonna need to keep your mouth on mine unless you want everyone to know what we’re doing?” I breath into his ear.  
He brings his lips back to mine and our tongues tangle together. He manages to get a hand between us and begins to stroke me. I buck up and send him deeper into me. I moan loudly into his mouth.  
He moves his lips briefly away from mine to breath into my ear, “Come for me Dean.”  
He’s back at my mouth just in time because I groan loudly. His grip on me tightens and his thrusts are even. I feel the heat sink in my stomach and it shoots out between us covering our stomachs and his hand. Cass smiles against my mouth as he feels me clench and unclench around him while I ride out my orgasm. I soon feel him pulsing with his thrusts and I feel him come inside me. He lowers his head to my shoulder and we try to catch our breath.  
He leans up and looks into my eyes. He’s smiling wide and I swear it makes them light up and shine even more blue. As his lips come back to mine I feel a slight change and there is clothes on my body again. Cass rolls off of me and onto his side. He casually has his arm around my waist.  
“I’m not used to all this after cuddle shit.” I laugh.  
He just leans forward and kisses me. I move closer to him and shut my eyes as I press a cheek against his chest. His breathing is steady and soon I fall asleep against him.  
I wake a few hours later expecting to be alone. As I begin to stir I realize not only am I not alone but there is someone in the bed with me. Holding me. I open my eyes and am greeted by the sparkling blue that I fell asleep too.  
“Hi.” Cass whispers softly.  
“Hey.”  
I close my eyes again and sink into the warm surrounding me.  
“You’re so warm.” I tell him.  
“Maybe you’re just cold.”  
I shake my head and lean up to kiss him gently.  
“I’m so glad you’re okay.” I tell him as I move a hand up to stroke his cheek.  
“I’m glad we’re both okay. I’m sorry for what I put you through.”  
“Like I said you’re worth it.”  
“Because we’re family?”  
“Because I love you.”  
His eyes grow wide and he just stares at me.  
“Because I need you Castiel.” I tell him my voice trembling a little.  
“Dean.” Cass whispers before he swallows hard, “I love you too.”


	4. I Need You Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cass is human and we learn that he is not okay with it. Not really. Dean of course comes to the rescue. Episode 6 of season 9.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season 9 episode 6 Heaven Can’t Wait  
> So this is the episode we see human Cass aka Steve. He’s working at a gas n’ sip I believe. Anyway he gets asked by his manager to baby sit although he thinks it a date(poor Cass). An Angel healer is running around killing people and shows up at the house Cass is baby sitting at to inform him that he’s there to end Cass’s suffering because Cass is basically really depressed. Dean of course saves the day. I do use a touch of the dialogue and actions from the episode in the beginning to kinda set it up. The next chapter is actually only a few episodes away not like the past ones where they are season’s apart. like always kudos and comments are never necessary but always appreciated even when they aren't good.

I get off the phone with Sam just as Cass is walking towards me. He looks like a beaten dog.  
“Where to Cass?” I ask giving him a little smile.  
He stares at me and then looks around before he just gets in my car. I take a deep breath and get in as well. I watch him buckle his seat belt and continue to just stare out the windshield. I start the car and drive off. I’m not quite sure where I’m going.  
“Can I spend the night with you?” Cass asks still looking forward.  
“Of course.” I answer glancing over at him.  
I drive the ten minutes to the cheap motel and park close to the room. We get out and I lead him to the door. As soon as we’re inside and the door shut I’m pushed up against it.  
“What are you doing?” I ask him.  
He doesn't answer instead he just pushes against me and slams his lips against mine.  
“Cass!” I say loudly pushing him off me.  
“Dean, please. I need you.” he whispers looking at the floor.  
I stand there just staring at him in shock. I was always the one to start this. To ask for it but here he is standing in front of me. I walk the couple of steps over to him and lift his head so he stares into my eyes. The blue which usually shines look worn out. They look beaten.  
“Dammit Cass.” I say quietly as I pull him against me.  
His arms circle me and his head goes to my shoulder. I feel his shoulders shake a bit and I realize he’s crying. I tighten my grip around him and start to rub his back.  
“We’ll figure this out.” I whisper before placing a kiss in his hair.  
He cries against me for a few minutes before pulling away.  
“I always thought humans to be weak.” Cass says wiping his eyes.  
“Well not many of us are that strong.”  
“How do you do it?” he asks sitting on the end of one of the beds.  
“Do what?”  
“Deal with all these emotions. All these feelings? I mean one minute you’re happy the next sad then angry. Some of them I don’t even know the name for. I feel like my head is going to explode sometimes.”  
“I know what you mean and I was born feeling all of them. It takes some getting used to.”  
“How do you control them?”  
“You can’t really. You can only deal with them. You can try hiding them but believe me it’s easier said then done.”  
I walk in front of him and look down as he looks up. I bring a hand forward and caress his cheek. I kneel down in between his legs and I just smile at him.  
“What is this feeling?” He asks quietly.  
“Explain it.”  
“I look at you and my heart beats so fast.” he grabs my hand it places it against his chest, “I just feel warm. I feel almost as if a weight has been lifted.”  
I just chuckle and smile at him.  
“What is it?” he asks again.  
“Love or lust. Depends on who you’re asking.”  
“This is what love feels like?”  
“I’m not you Cass. I don’t know what you’re feeling but it sounds like it. Don’t worry though I feel it too.”  
“Does your stomach bother you?”  
“Yeah, we call them butterflies.”  
“Its impossible for butterflies to be in my stomach.”  
“No, its just how we describe the sensation. It feels like there are butterflies flapping around in there.” I laugh.  
“Yes I guess that could be accurate.”  
I lean forward and pull his forehead to mine. I take a deep breath and expect to smell the normal wet grass scent but I don’t. He smells like old spice, baby formula, and something metallic which I can only assume is from the blood on his clothes.  
Cass breaks the silence first with a whisper, “I need you.”  
“Cass.” I just shake my head slowly against him.  
“Please Dean?”  
“You don’t know what you’re asking.”  
He just leans forward and presses his lips gently against mine before pulling away.  
“Please.” he whispers against my lips.  
This isn't a good idea but I’m not sure I can deny him.  
“Do you remember our first time?” I ask moving back and sitting on my heels.  
“Yes of course. At Bobby’s in your car it was raining.”  
“Do you remember what I said to you?”  
“We take it slow.”  
“Exactly. You’re human Cass and that means I can hurt you and hell it will hurt but do you remember what else I said?”  
“It was worth it.”  
“If I do it correctly.” I wink at him, “Stand up.”  
He stands in front of me and eyes me warily. I walk until we’re pressed chest to chest. I bring my lips to his neck where I begin to kiss around it. I slide my hands down to his waist and begin to undo his belt. He gasps into my ear as I bite him lightly.  
“We have to do this the hard way this time.” I joke as I unbutton and unzip his pants.  
He just moans as I begin to suck his neck again. I bring my hands up and begin to unbutton his shirt before sliding it off his shoulders. Cass’s hands find my pants and undoes them before attempting to slide them down with my boxers. I slip my shoes off and I wiggle the pants and underwear down until they pool at my ankles. He runs his hands up my sides and tugs my shirt over my head. He reattaches himself to my lips as I feel him kick his shoes off.  
“Dean.” Cass moans into me.  
I kick my pants to the side and lower myself back onto my knees as I bring down his pants. Cass’s erection is fighting for freedom against his boxers. I slide them down slowly to join his pants on the floor. His cock bobs out in my face and I look up to him. For the first time since I've seen him in a while he’s eyes have a little bit of that sparkle back. I smile up at him before I give his length a long lick. His eyes close as one of his hands finds my hair. I take the head of the cock into my mouth and tease it with my tongue. He moans loudly and grips my hair tighter. I slide him all into my mouth before I release him only to take him in again. I set up a steady rhythm between my hand and my mouth. I allow my teeth to slide over the sensitive skin as he adds pressure to my head sending me deeper. I gag slightly as I deep throat him. After a few more thrusts from my hand and mouth I feel his knees begin to shake. I decide to not stop this time. I pick up the pace and work the underside of his shaft with my tongue.  
“Dean. I can’t. I’m going to…” he moans.  
I slide him into my mouth all the way and hum slightly. His hold on me tightens as I feel him pulse in my mouth. Within seconds his whole body is shaking and he’s filling my mouth with his seed. I swallow as much as I can. I release his cock with a pop and grab my shirt to wipe my mouth.  
I stand back up and smile at him. He has that hungry look in his eye but I know I’m in charge this time.  
“Get rid of those.“ I say pointing to the clothes around his ankles.  
He immediately obeys and kicks them aside. I grab him and spin him to pin him against the wall. He gasps slightly as his back hits it. One of my hands goes to his neck almost choking him. I shove my tongue deep into his mouth and he moans loudly in his throat. His tongue fights mine but I allow him to enter my mouth. He licks around it tasting himself in every nook and cranny. I slide the hand from his throat to his hair where I yank his head back hard. I place my lips against his shoulder and bite down.  
“Dean.” he screams.  
I press my body flush against him and I smile against the red skin when I feel his new erection. I pull him away from the wall and walk him to a bed. I push him down and he looks up at me. I watch his chest rise and fall quickly as he tries to catch his breath. I turn to look for my bag. It’s on the dresser. I walk over and rifle through it until I find the bottle I’m looking for. I go back to the bed and join him.  
We become attached at the lips immediately. I place a hand on his chest to push him so he’s on his back but I don’t remove my lips. I trail my hand down to his legs where I push them open. I run a finger over his balls and erection stopping to rub the head that’s leaking precum with my thumb. I pop the top of the bottle open and coat my fingers. It’s lube that warms with friction and it’s making my hand tingle.  
“Are you ready?” I ask pulling away only slightly to look into those blue eyes.  
He nods before leaning back up to press his lips against mine. I move my hand and feel for the tight hole. I begin to message it gently and a moan escapes his lips. I bite down on his bottom lip as I slip the first finger in. His hips buck up slightly but he doesn't seem all that bothered by it so I move it immediately. I slide it in as far as I can before pulling out again. When I enter him faster this time he gasps and tries to push down on his hand. I pull my mouth away from his and attach my lips to his neck as my finger works in and out of him quickly. Before reentering him again I slip in a second finger. I hear him suck in a breath and I feel bad. I stop my hand immediately.  
“No don’t.” Cass says breathing heavily.  
“I don’t want to hurt you.”  
He just moves one of his hands to on top of mine and pushes my fingers deeper into him. I feel him take a few deep breathes before pulling my fingers out and then back in. I let him control my hand. He picks up the pace and I start to scissor them. I feel better when he starts to moan. His hand slips away from mine but I don’t stop the movements. I’m searching inside him for the spot I know he has.  
“Dean!” he exclaims in a moan while a hand grips my hair tightly.  
I chuckle against him as I hit that spot a few more times. I slide my lips down to his nipple to bite and suck on it as I slip in a third finger. His hips buck up a great deal this time and I use my arm to try to keep him down. When all three are inside him completely I leave them still. After several seconds I begin to move them slowly. Moans escape his mouth and I can’t help but reattach myself to him. Cass tangles our tongues together as I pick up speed. I push and pull them out of him as I twist and stretch him open. He moans loudly against me as I work him open.  
“Dean, now please.” he begs pulling away from my lips.  
I pull my fingers out of him and he whimpers at the loss.  
“Turn over.” I say gently.  
He flips and gets on his hands and knees. I take a deep breath as I kneel behind him. I run a hand over his ass before grabbing the bottle of lube. I apply it generously then throw it to the floor. I position myself against him and place a hand on his hip. I rub him gently with my thumb as I push in slightly. Cass’s back arches and head falls forward at the penetration.  
“I can stop.” I say quietly.  
He shakes his head and tries to push back against me but I don’t let him. I slide into him slowly until I’m buried in the sweet heat of his ass. I notice his arms shaking. I reach to grab a pillow and place it under his chest. He falls on top of it almost immediately. Still rubbing circles on his hip I start to pull out. He moans at the movement but when I push back in I see him grip the pillow tight. I stop moving.  
“Just move.” he snaps into the pillow as he thrusts backwards.  
This whole time I was afraid of hurting him but maybe that’s what he wants. I’m not sure what snaps within me but I pull out almost completely before plunging back in. I hear him curse into the pillow and I can’t help but smile. I pull out again and enter him with more force. He moans loudly and I set up my pace. I grip both of hips tightly as my speed and force increases. I move slightly and when I enter him again I hit that sweet spot causing him to clench around me. We scream together loud enough that the neighbors bang on the wall.  
I just laugh and hit that spot again causing another scream and another bang. I move a hand around to his abdomen and lift. He uses his arms and pushes off until his back is against my chest. I bring a hand up to his cheek to turn him to look at me so I can kiss him as I thrust back into him. He moans into my mouth as I hit that spot over and over.  
“Can I try something?” Cass asks against my lips.  
“Anything.”  
“Lay down.”  
I look at him curiously but I pull out of him and lay down on the bed. He smiles at me before straddling my hips. He leans over to kiss me gently before sitting back up. He moves up on his knees as I feel him move my slick cock underneath him. Within seconds I’m once again buried in a tight heat. I can’t control the moan that leaves my mouth and he just winks at me before beginning to move. He starts slow. Just up and down a few inches. Then he slides me almost out of him before his ass slams down on top of my legs. We moan together has he picks up the pace and begins to rock back and forth.  
My hands go to his thighs and then up his chest to his shoulders where I pull him down. I lean up and capture those swollen lips. I suck his tongue into my mouth as he continues to rides me. He sits back up and leans back on his hands. The new position causes me to rub right into that swelled gland buried deep within. I don’t know what to watch. His mouth is half open and he’s moaning almost continuously and his eyes are closed. The sight of my cock disappearing into him makes me throb and I know he feels it because he gasps as I do. I can’t stop myself so I grasp his hard cock as it bounces around. His head snaps forward to look at me but as I caress the head his eyes close again. He pick up the speed of his bounces again and he comes down with a purpose. I tug earnestly as his erection. I’m caught by surprise when I feel one of his hands on my balls beginning to tug. My eyes shut and my mouth hangs open at the contact. When I open them again he’s smirking at me. I move my hand to fondle his and he moans deeply. He releases the hold on my balls and leans forward slamming his lips down onto mine. I move the hand from his to begin stroking him as my free one goes to the back of his head.  
“Cass.” I moan against his lips.  
“Dean.” he moans back.  
After a few more thrusts from both of us we begin to shake against each other. I feel him shoot out all over our stomachs as I fill his ass. His head comes to rest on my shoulder as I kiss his hair.  
“We have to clean ourselves the old fashion way too.” I chuckle against him.  
Cass moves to lean above me. He doesn't say anything for several seconds he just stares down at me.  
“Thank you.” he says smiling.  
I can’t help but smile back and wrap my arms around him, pulling him down on top of me. I reach next to me to the nightstand for a box of tissues.  
“It’s the easiest thing right now.” I say pulling a few out.  
He groans and rolls off of me. After a few minutes and quite a few tissues later we’re mostly cleaned up. Cass crawls right up against me and places his head on my chest. The arm under him goes around him and I stroke his arm. I bury my face in his hair and just breath him in. Cass moves a hand under his chin and leans on it to look up at me. I can’t help but smile because his eyes are shining.  
“What?” he asks.  
“Nothing.”  
“It’s not nothing.”  
“You’re beautiful.”  
Cass blushes and puts his forehead against his hand. I use hand not caressing him to lift his head up. I then place the hand on his cheek and stroke it with my thumb.  
“I love you.” he says suddenly.  
“I know. I love you too.”  
He sighs in content and moves his hand so his cheek can press against my chest. We lay in silence until we both fall asleep. I wake up and realize someone is pressed against me. I look down and smile at my sleeping angel. It’s so odd to see him sleep. I watch as his chest rises and falls steadily. He looks so peaceful. I run my fingers through his short hair but I remove it when I feel him stir.  
“Dean?” he asks groggily.  
“I’m sorry go back to sleep.”  
He moves off my chest and buries his head in the crook of my neck. I feel him plant a few kisses there. I wrap both arms around him and hold him against me.  
“Thank you.” he whispers.  
“For what?”  
“For loving me after everything.”


	5. Need You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season 9 episode 10 Road Trip   
> So like the previous chapter, although I use a bit more in this one, I’m going to use actual dialogue and stuff from the show. Where I have this fitting in I feel I need to instead of just jumping in. This is the episode after Gadreel kills Kevin and Cass shows up at the bunker. I literally have this scene take place within the first 5 minutes of the episode. Enjoy. For right now anyway this is my last Chapter and you probably won’t like the ending but hey season 10 airs in like a week (YAY!!!) and I have to leave room for some possible Demon Dean/Angel Cass action.

Standing in this room makes me feel sick. I once considered the bunker my home but now I’m not so sure. I shove angel blade after gun after knife after gun into my duffle bag. This son of a bitch is going down. I lost Sam and Kevin in one fell swoop.  
“Dean,” I hear Cass say before I even sense him.  
“Cass. Now, look at you, all suited up and back in the game.” I joke weakly.  
“I, um, came as soon as you called. I wa…” he stops mid word and I can tell without looking up that he’s assessing the damage to the room, “Dean, what happened? What’s wrong?”  
I place my palms against the table and take a deep breath unable to answer him. I can feel those blue eyes watching me. I can’t even stand to look at him yet. He’ll hate me when I tell him the truth. I finally bring myself to look up at him. He’s just standing there looking concerned not hating me. Yet. I turn and face him slowly.   
“I need you.” I whisper.  
He’s over to me in a flash with his arms around me.  
“Dean? Are you okay?” he asks.  
I choke back a sob and he pulls me tighter.   
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I say into his shoulder.  
“Dean you’re not making any sense. What happened?”  
I look up into a sea of blue and press myself firmly against his lips.  
“Dean?” he asks pushing me away a bit.  
“I need you.” I say again as I reattach myself.  
He doesn’t fight me this time. Instead he puts a hand behind my head and pulls me closer. I slip my tongue out to seek entrance into his mouth. He grants it to me immediately and I begin to relearn him. I put my hands on his hips and pull him towards me. We grind together and he moans into my mouth. I move my hands up to his shoulders to slide both his trench coat and suit jacket off. When they land on the floor I move the collar of his shirt to bite down on his collarbone. He hisses as I bite and suck the skin. Cass tangles his fingers into my short hair and tugs me back up to his lips.   
“Are you gonna make me do this the long way?” I ask pulling on his belt.  
By the time his lips are against mine we are standing in the library naked pulled close to each other. I reach a hand between us and tug on his obvious erection. Cass’s eyes shut and he mouth hangs open. I bite his bottom lip and tug on him harder.  
“Dean.” he moans against my mouth.  
I smile against his mouth before I move town to my knees. I tease the tip of his cock with my tongue eliciting another moan out of that glorious mouth. I feel him bring a hand down to my head but it doesn’t go to my hair like I expect. Instead it goes to my cheek where he strokes it gently. I look up at him and he smiles weakly at me. I take a deep breath and I feel my jaw begin to tremble. He moves his hand to my chin and pulls me up. Cass pulls me close to his naked form.  
“Oh Dean. I wish you would talk to me.” Cass tells me.  
“I’m not interested in talking just yet.” I say before pressing my lips against his.   
“Dean.” Cass says pushing me away slightly.  
“Please Cass. I need you.”  
I feel like I’m pleading with him but I am. I need him now. One last time before I shatter what we’ve built with the truth. As I stare at him I can see his resolve breaking. When he lets out a long breath I put a hand behind his head and pull his lips to mine once again. He kisses me back forcefully this time. Pushing me up against the table. I hop up and he fits himself between my legs. He moves his lips from mine to my neck where he latches on. I gasp as I feel his teeth sink in. He licks over the spot when he releases my skin which causes me to moan loudly.  
“I will never get tired of hearing that.” he breathes into my ear.  
I pull him close against me and our erections grind against each other causing us both to moan as our lips meet. I reach next to me trying to find my bag but a bottle gets placed in my hand before I find it.  
“Looking for this?” he asks with a smirk.  
I open the bottle and squirt some in my hand before grabbing him. He gasps and braces himself on the table.  
“You’re skipping a few steps.” he manages to get out between shallow breathes.  
“I need to feel you now.”  
I just pull my legs up and let my heels rest of the edge of the table on either side of him. He looks down at me uncertain.  
“It’s been awhile Dean.”  
I just stare at him intensely before grabbing his hips and pulling him close to my body. I continue to just stare at him as he shakes his head slowly. I know it will hurt like hell but I need it to. I grab his erection and place it against my unprepared tight hole. I massage it gently and we both moan. I manage to get the tip in but the pain has me short of breath and shaking.  
“Please.“ I whisper, “I want it to hurt.”  
I watch as his eyes seem to get dark after a minute of looking down at me. He pulls me roughly off the table and slams my chest against one of the columns. He wedges a knee between my legs and forces them open.   
“So you want it rough.” He whispers in my ear in that deep raspy voice.  
I swallow hard and I hear him chuckle quietly. I feel him align himself with me as he bites my ear. In one swift move he’s in me completely.  
“God damn.” I hiss at the burning sensation and clench my fists.  
He chuckles again and pulls out almost completely before thrusting right back in. My whole body tenses at the intrusion and after he pulls out again he has to force himself back in with more strength. I gasp and moan in pain at each movement. Cass grabs my wrists and forces them above my head. He uses one hand to hold them there while the other goes to my waist to steady himself has he begins to pick up the speed of his thrusts.   
I still hiss with pain as he enters me again quickly and forcefully. Cass trails his hand up my side to grip my hair tightly and pulls my head back. He kisses me roughly as he thrusts into me in short hurtful bursts. It’s almost to much to handle and I want to tell him to stop but I don’t. I won’t. I need this pain to take my mind off of all the other shit going on. All that horrible things that I’ve caused. I feel him let up on his grip a bit and he stops moving.  
“Don’t stop.” I gasp out between heavy breaths.  
“Dean I don’t think we should...”  
I cut him off by kissing him and thrusting my ass backwards towards him. He continues his movement but starts to slide into me in an upwards movement. He slams right into my prostate and we moan loudly as I tighten around him. The pain begins to be soothed by pleasure. I feel his body relax when mine does around him. Cass places kisses across the nape of my neck. He uses the hold on my hair to tilt my head giving him better access. He sucks and nips the skin where it meets my shoulder meets my neck. I moan loudly as I begin to move my hips in time with his thrusts.  
He surprises me when he pulls out of me completely as well as releasing my hands and hair. I rest my head forward on the column for a second to try and catch my breath before asking what he was doing. I feel an hand on my shoulder and it flips me around. Those blues are staring at me. They look hungry and concerned at the same time. I can tell he’s fighting with himself. Unsure if we should continue or if he should force me to talk. He makes the decision and steps forwards pressing his naked body against mine. I can feel his slick erection rub against my thigh as he forces a leg between mine. A hand is brought up to my face and he caresses my cheek tenderly.   
“I do love you, you know.” he smiles weakly as he slowly moves his head towards me.  
“I love you too.” I answer although in my mind I wanted to say not for much longer.  
He looks at me weirdly with a tip of his head. Mind reading can be a bitch sometimes.  
“I thought I told you to stay out of my head.” I breath against his lips which are now extremely close to mine.  
“I will always love you Dean Winchester. No matter what.”  
And with that his lips are against mine feverishly. He moves them with purpose. His tongue demanding entrance to my mouth. I open it as soon as I feel his tongue brush against my lips. His tongue immediately enters and attacks mine. Caressing it. He seems to stroke every inch it. Trying to taste every inch of me. I sink myself into the kiss and block out everything else. I focus on the feeling of his tongue running lightly over the roof of my mouth. The almost burning warmth I feel radiating from him. When I breath in through my nose I smile when I smell that wet grass scent that I’ve come to love so much. His tongue goes back to mine and tangles with it. Dancing almost. A shiver is sent through my body when he trails his fingers up and down my sides. After a few trips up and down he settles them on my hips. I grab his face in two hands and try to pull him even closer.   
I kiss him with such fervor. I change my angle frequently. Tipping my head this way or that and laughing when our noses get in the way. When I bite and suck on his bottom lip he lets my tongue enter his mouth. I slide it along the back of his teeth and then lightly along the roof. I finally settle it back with his where we once again fight for dominance.   
“Please.” I moan against his mouth.  
Cass just grabs my shoulders and turns me around so my back is to the tables. He pulls away from my mouth and we both automatically draw in a deep breath.  
“Turn around.” he orders.  
I comply instantly. I turn and lean over the table. Planting my hands flat against it. Cass comes up behind me and presses right against my ass. He lets his hands trail all over me as he places kisses on my back. I feel him align himself with me again and like before he enters me with one swift motion. My head rolls back and I moan loudly. Cass places on hand on my hip and rubs circles with his thumb. Suddenly he’s pulled out only to push right back in. When he hits my prostate this time I moan loudly enough that I can hear it echo in these now empty halls.   
I push the thoughts of why they’re empty out of my head and focus of the feeling of Cass thrusting in to me. He’s lost the roughness he had before but he’s still forceful. He moves his hips quickly and I can hear him gasp each time his cock enters me. I tighten myself around him and I feel his whole body tremble. The hand he had traveling the contours of my body moves around my stomach and grasps my throbbing erecting. I suck in air as his fingers tighten their hold on me and begin to pump.  
We moan loudly together as I clench myself around him again. His hand is picking up the pace as thrusts become a little shorter. I know he’s close because I am too. I don’t want this to be over though. I want to stay here just like this. With him inside me. I just tip my head back to listen to the Cass’s breathing and that delicious sound of our bodies slapping together.  
“Dean, I’m close.” Cass breathes.  
“Come with me.”  
With a few move forceful thrusts into me along with a few more tight strokes from his hand and we are both shaking against each other as our orgasms wash over us. Cass drapes himself over my back and I can feel his warm breath on the back of my neck. His arms come around and encircle me. He rubs his thumbs over my chest. We stay like that for a couple of minutes. I feel him pull off of me and by the time I turn around to face him I’m clothed and clean. We embrace each other immediately. I lean my head against his shoulder and he places kisses in my hair.  
"Did I hurt you?" he asks softly.  
"No. I may be a little sore tomorrow but I'm fine. It was amazing."  
He just pulls his head up and stares at me. He places two fingers to my forehead and the uncomfortable and slightly painful sensation I was feeling is gone.  
"You didn't have to do that."  
"I did hurt you. It was only right that I healed you."  
"You can't heal all the pain though."  
“Tell me what happened.”   
“If I do that then you’ll be gone too.”  
“I won’t leave you Dean. Just tell me what happened so I can help you fix this.”  
“Fix this?” I ask as I pull away from him, “Kevin’s dead. You can’t fix that. Sammy’s being controlled by some psycho angel. And it’s all my fault!”   
I practically scream at him as I pace in front of him. I turn suddenly and knock more shit off the table near me.  
“Kevin’s dead? Sam is possessed by an angel?”  
“He was dying that angel I asked about Ezekiel said he could fix him from the inside out. Apparently he wasn't Ezekiel and he went ape shit, killed Kevin and then ran off with Sam’s body.”  
Cass closes the gap between us quickly. He presses his lips against mine gently and briefly.  
“Lets sit down and I’m sure we can figure this all out.” he says soothingly.  
“Thank you for being here Cass.”  
“I will always be here when you need me Dean.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like. If not oh well. Comments and Kudos are not necessary but appreciated.


End file.
